You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
