How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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