i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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