You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
