I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I have feelings that need drinking.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
