Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
