i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
