I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
