Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize