Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
