My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
The best revenge is premature balding
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
