i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Randomize
