i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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