Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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