Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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