I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
