In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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