Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
