i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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