Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
