i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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