Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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