you're like a bully in the Christmas story
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
