We won't sleep together?
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
