On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
