You can't motorboat a personality
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
