Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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