You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
