I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
