I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
