he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
