i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
