If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
