Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I just blew my weed a kiss
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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