Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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