where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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