Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
