idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Randomize
