Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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