its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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