Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
