my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
