its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
