Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
