we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
