Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Randomize
