god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
