Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
