I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Randomize
