A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
