I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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