Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
As shirtless as possible
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
