spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize