I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
