tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Where is the hickey?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
