apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Randomize
