I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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