I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize