Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
