i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize