how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm both gender and math confused
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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