So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
tell me about the eggs
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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