So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
she peed on how many people?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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