The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
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