if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
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