my phone needs a breathalizer
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
