I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
