i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize