I need help removing her.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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